In memory of Alexandra

She was standing in the rain, and crying. I did not expect it. Such a strong, commanding woman, full of witty insightful ironic comments, with her hand gestures and an expressive face. From the first minute you spoke to her it was clear she would take no bullshit from anyone, she lived a life of her own choosing. Small and slim, with a very white skin and very dark hair and a heart-shaped face, in her long unusual jacket, a small black hat, moving through the streets with purpose and determination. And now she was standing here, in the rain, with me, and the tears were just escaping out of their own accord.

Her child had died. A healthy child, born to a healthy mother, died because she was refused a caeserien. She is a pettite woman, and her child was well over four kilogrames, and she was two weeks overdue, and she had been in labour for fourty hours. Still, they refused to give her the caeserian, and the child was killed by an unskilled doctor, with forceps.

And this happened here, in Edinburgh, in the best maternity ward, in the 21st century, to a healthy mother and a healthy child. Forceps are considered dangerous and antiquated in most countries, but are still widely used in the UK. Small women are adviced to have a caesarian in other countries, but in the UK the NHS is trying to keep down the costs - a caesarian is twice as expensive as a forceps birth - and the dangerous instrument is used instead. And a healthy child is injured, and dies.

'You never get over it. You try to understand it, but you never get over it. It's a piece of you, a child you carry in you for nine months, you develop a relationship, and it dies. To have a healthy child murdered, and we don't even know if there is going to be an investigation. In this country you put on a white coat and you can kill without prosecution.'

She is so hurt, there is nothing in her face, in her body, but the pain. Although she keeps apologising, I am glad she is talking to me.

'This country is so good at being this' - she gestures to the beautiful buildings around us as we stand on a street in central Edinburgh. 'A facade. At pretending to care - about human rights, about social justice, about health of the citizens - and than it does nothing. It's the pits. In any central European country, this would not have happened. In Hungary, I know the medical system is corrupt, but if you pay, you are going to get service. No-one will risk killing a healthy baby, because no more patients will come to them. Here they are not accountable. It's an accident.'

In the end she has no more to say, and again we hug, and I hope for her future. I watch her run accross the street, dark and small, and when she's gone behind the corner I start to cry.

I wouldn't have normally written about this, but Beatrix wants as many people to know as she can. She wants to create a media storm so that an enquiry is held into her child's killing. She has just interviewed for the Daily Mail: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1253013/Forceps-killed-baby-doctors-using-them.html Please read.